New Year, new buds.

At the end of the hundred year old path hides our quaint little orchard. There lives a tree house up high towards the sky and a smattering of fruit trees adorn the edges. The gnarled old apple tree stands the proudest and all winter long it lays bare and sparse as if there would never be any life hiding in those old veins. But come springtime as the crocus and snowdrop push through its ancient root bed and the first of the sun warms the cold winter earth, it once more begins to birth its beautiful buds. It was never dead, just always waiting for it's time. It's time to awaken. It's time to bud. It's time to blossom and grow and provide it's bountiful fruit.

It might be that's what we are all waiting for.

I can't exactly say I'm one for a new year. I'm not one of those positive souls who love a fresh start and a brand new shiny year! In fact...it truly fills me each December with utter dread. I'm not great with any kind of change and a new year can somehow feel a heavy weight of unknown. But here it is, and amidst my mourning to the farewell of mince pie and fairy-light season, there might just be some new buds emerging.

I'm a sucker for a quote. I love them, I save them, I pin them , I write them out. But infrequently do I find myself actually taking the medicine they offer. of course not, because that might mean some kind of 'change'! And I don't want any of that nonsense messing up life...changing things! But sometimes the years can roll round and you can be over half way through before it hits you head on that this is the only chance you're getting! The only life you have. The one beautiful gift you might be missing . And suddenly a change might just be glorious! A change might just equate to living well and happy and as fully as was intended.

So this may be the year of inviting change. Of grafting day and night to fan the change flames. Of saying 'yes' when the lovely safety of 'no' is whispering in the dark. Because it is only me who can alter my path, only me who can ensure the buds emerge come springtime full of hope and opportunity.

Eighteen months after I had pushed a whole human out into the world I lay in bed one night and the soft flesh that had housed our miracle lay beside me, swathing me uncomfortably. I wanted it to change. To change into a flat tummy and toned thighs...but sometimes the exit routes from our comfort zones can be paved with excuses. Only we can scythe away the brambles that suffocate and prevent us soaring. So I went to a class. My fat and I...invited to step up to the scales and face the truth in order to face the future.

Three stone (and a lot less cheese) later I own a much happier smile. It was quite often a slog, quite often the custard creams would mock me and seduce me! Quite often I thought it was too much like hard work...but then sometimes the best things in life often are! Maybe a 'yes' to a different life is what truly nourishes our soul. 'Yes' to a change might present the escape route we've been yearning.

Sometimes the most tentative of steps into the unknown can be the foot-holes we've been fumbling for. The oxygen we've been gasping for.

Breath deep and take the steps.

The fruit may well be endless.